Seri sez: Dancing with wolves (or perhaps rabid badgers).

January 14, 2010

There’s something about the Looking For Dungeon Tool that makes me feel like I’m getting back to my roots. It’s kind of like going back in time to roam the prairie with my wild ancestors–complete with mountains of buffalo dung. It’s ancient. Primal. This is healing as I haven’t seen it in many many moons. I’m telling you, it has been a VERY long time since so many things have been “my fault”.

Yes, that’s right: My fault. Because, somehow, every failure on the part of a random instance group is the healer’s fault. The tank dies… healer’s fault. The DPS die… healer’s fault. A tree falls in China… healer’s fault. Don’t get me wrong; there are shitty healers out there. Gods bless them, they provide countless hours of entertainment for me and Jov. But there are a lot of things that can go wrong in a pug that are NOT the healers fault. Perhaps:

  • A shitty tank.
  • An undergeared tank.
  • An undergeared shitty tank.
  • Overzealous dps.
  • People standing in shit.
  • Pulling when the healer is drinking or low on mana.
  • Pulling when the healer is afk.

Let me give you a tip: If you’re struggling through an instance and you’ve been through more than one healer… you’re not just having a string of bad luck. Someone in your party is a moron. Maybe several someones. Maybe… maybe it’s you.

Haha! Yeah, not likely. You’re reading World of Snarkcraft, which puts you ahead of most of the slack-jawed mutants in LFG. Therefore, my enlightened brethren, remain alert for signs of healer abuse and vigilant in the preservation of healers’ sanity. After all, it’s only a matter of time before they burn out and roll a pure dps class. Make it your goal to stave off the inevitable while you can.


  1. I was this close (imagine my fingers just about pressed together) to running and hiding on a dps alt today. The level of the dungeon does not matter. I have seen just about every one of those behaviors today, and my healer is only 24.

    It’s late. I’m cranky from a run of bad tanks and room pulling mages/hunters. I’m hoping that some sleep will keep me on my experiment of leveling this druid all the way to cap as a healer.

    At 24, my gear can be used to do damage or to heal. Take that, random potty mouthed paladin!

  2. I dunno… I’m quite relaxed and forgiving in nature. I don’t jump to defend my honor so quickle. Your honor is out of reach to be challenged by ‘the plebs’.

    On a slightly more serious note (but hardly serious) the following steps have often worked wonders to fire back some of the heat:
    – Spam the death-event of Recount of said target in partychat. It removes the need for words and informs people that are not so lucky to have recount running.
    – Keyphrases such as “Fire, it hurts” or “You got cleaved!” are excellent in helping eveyone understand the basics of PvE.
    – If the tank dies, simply ask him “Are you still def capped?”. I have rarely been questioned on my performances once I played this card. I assume some non def capped tanks must hate me know… ohh how dreadfull.

    What sickens me about the childish, name-calling attitude in pugs is that “being quiet and not calling names” equals acknowledging you are the problem. Hence this rotten behavior spreads: if you don’t join in, you get the blame. If you do join in, you’re partly responsible for spreading it.

    • Amen, Zusterke! It frustrates me that being quiet and acting responsibly somehow lands me the blame.

      On another note, have you ever had the overzealous, standing-in-something dps that shouts “HEAL” at you?** I’ve had it twice recently. You could shut them up by saying: “Geez thanks, Captain Obvious. Now DPS! DPS! DPS!” But should we really stoop to their level?

      **This is the same kind of dps who tends to shout “GOGO” at tanks.

      • I have done this. It’s heaps of fun. Really.

        I’ve also recently been tanking. God. DPS are sooooo ARGH… oh Look pally tank is standing in the corner. Ill D&D in the path oh. Now they hate me. Pally got aggro. Nos pally is bounced into fearing mobs. Hello geists. Hello9 Groups of 4. Oooh says hunter not enough mobs. Ill pull those geists too.

        Funny how when we didn’t wipe on that the dps didnt go oh nice tanking/heals. No it was omg i did 4k dps (as a 73).

        GG DPS.

        If we’d wiped it would’ve been omg lr to tank/heal.

  3. its always a healer’s fault…unless its a tank’s fault. but its never dps’s fault. No matter what they do, they are always “blameless victims of terribald tanks and/or healers”.

    whenever I run into helpful, cooperative, responsible dpsers, I try to give them a hug, heal their pets and generally make their run as lovely as they are making mine, because those very rare gems deserve it. The rest can go die in a fire.

  4. lulz. wtb moar yokels, pst.

  5. heh.

    When I’m on my huntard, I’m a happy chatty DPSer. It’s totally low-stress. If we wipe, we wipe. Eh. (And tanks and healers always try to keep me. I put out good DPS, I don’t pull threat, and I keep an eye out for the healer. Go figure.)

    When I’m in LFG on my priest, it’s a whole different story. I spend the run pretending I’m blind, deaf, and mute, and say NOTHING in party.

  6. Yay I’m not a slack-jawed mutant lol

  7. I’ve started running my random heroics wearing The Vestments of the Shifting Sands in place of my T9 chest, and Benediction. Nothing says “I’m here to have a good time” like a hot-pink barely there dress and the most beautiful epic staff in WoW history. I haven’t been given any grief yet and if needed I equip my current mace/oh to give me some added sp and such. But…no way I’m changing that dress. It has made my randoms so much more fun. I highly recommend picking up a pretty dress and giving it a whirl.

    • That sounds fun. It reminds me, though, of this one pug I did with a moonkin who was only wearing 3 pieces of gear. I said to him ‘Hey.. do you perhaps have some more gear to put on?’ and he said ‘Nope, I was hacked.’

      Well, I guess that’s a “good” reason to run a random heroic mostly naked. But.. really? Mrg.

      • For MONTHS Musty begged us to go get her pink dress. Remember that? Ah, good times. Great oldies.

  8. I nearly killed a DK the other day…that is after I finished choking and spluttering. Lucky for him my group kicked him before I had the chance.

    We were in PoS and Fighting Garfrost. Big guy throws boulders, everyone except DK runs behind….DK charges after him to keep up his leet 900dps. He is way out of range….and dying fast. Oh well. We finish the fight and then I tell him that you are supposed to hide behind the boulders when Garfrost runs off. He tells me he’d have been fine if the healer had healed him. *choke splutter* He then says he was not taking that much damage if I’d have healed him he would have been fine. *choke splutter* Finally I say, “No because your healer was smart enough to hide behind the boulder with everyone else while you ran way out of range of heals.” This is the point I would have killed him, but my group chose this moment to kick him. I promptly put him on ignore and griped about him every chance I got for days!

  9. Trust me it is worse for paladins/druids who tank and heal. We can do nothing right. It is all my fault, either I should, “Lrn 2 hold aggro nub,” or “Lrn 2 healz nub.” My favorite remains, “E-bay ftl.” Really I spent most of my leveling time as Holy, but whatever I am the failbot. >.> <.< Votekick me and I LFG for a non-fail group, short queue times for the win.
    I get to queue as a tank and a healer. I go into LFG, click close, and dun DUN, "Your group is ready."

    • Is that… a zombie my little pony gravatar? It is muchly for the winnings.

  10. I feel your pain.

    I jumped into the Dungeon finder to try to grab by daily frost badges, and found the Occulus loading screen. I figure no big deal; it’s rep is worse than the reality. By the time I get into the instance, we are in combat, and the DK tank is down to 20% health. Wow.. Buff later I guess. We kill off that pull, I say hello, and proceed to buff the party. Tank has charged into the next pack of mobs. I suggest “wait for the healer” but get no response. Meanwhile EVERY party member now has aggro including me due to the heal spamming. Again, tank’s health seems to evaporate. We survive, I sit to drink (I’m rather thirsty after having buffed the party and spamming group heals) when one of the dps types “I’ve never been here before, how does the boss fight work?” DK replies “tank & spank” and charges into the next pack while I am still drinking. Repeat group heals.

    Just as I finish typing “Sorry guys, not up for this tonight” and start to click on leave group, tank has charged the next group. Maybe the sure to ensue wipe was educational.

    I feel for the next healer who ported in.

  11. I was running my resto druid leveling in BC randoms the other day, and had a DK who kept death gripping away from our tank. After i’d had enough of that during one pull i just let the mob eat him. He kept demanding heals. Once the combat was finished he asked me why i didn’t heal him. I told him every time he Death Grips something off the tank, I will stop healing him from then on. He actually learned, i was impressed.

  12. my healing in randoms has reduced my vocabulary.
    is Bad. Is about the only thing I say now while healing beyond the expect Hey! and Thanks for the party!

  13. I actually had my first experience with a group kicking a tank this week. On my battle group it’s about a 10 minute wait for a tank, so normally groups grin and bear it. Tank tells the group to wait while he pulls the next to last room in H UP- the entire room, mind you- by himself. No LoS, nothing. Just before he died I managed to NS/HT him back up, aggroing everthing in the room off him onto me, which led to my being feared for a good 10 seconds, during which the entire group wiped. He proceeded to link recount and say how fail the dps, who stayed back when asked, was, and actually called me a liar in group, he said I had not been feared and was too bad a healer. I have T10. We vote kicked and 4 manned, to great relief.

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