Seri sez: Varian Wrynn is a Douchebag.

September 24, 2009

A legend in his own mind.

Ah, progression nights. There’s nothing quite like new content to invigorate a raid team, is there? That’s what 99% of our applicants say they raid for… to see new content. It’s exciting to step into a new instance, wide-eyed and quivering with anticipation. What will the first boss pull bring? Death. Yes, the first boss usually brings lots of death, but that’s OK. We’re professionals, and what happens in the instance stays in the instance. Right? We pick ourselves up, we dust ourselves off, we try again. Except, this time we’re not crawling through the sewers of Black Temple, ruthlessly slaughtering all the potential witnesses to our folly along with the boss in question… we’re in a farking arena. There are spectators, for crying out loud. Not to mention that douchebag, Varian Wrynn.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m familiar with the lore. I know he’s got a few bones to pick with the orcs over that whole “razing Stormwind” thing and the “enslaved gladiator” thing (you’d think he might have a small aversion to arenas after that, but oh no..), not to mention the “Wrathgate incident” and the slight misunderstanding as to the Horde’s involvement. He hates us, I get that.

We’re used to bosses taunting us with pithy comments as they grind us into paste, but the derisive comments from the bleachers are new. “Is this the best the Horde has to offer?” he asks, with a snort and a toss of his hair, as we’re dying in fires and being beaten about the head and shoulders by filthy little snow rats. “Worthless scrub,” he taunts, with a sneer, from his lofty perch.

Come down here and say that to my face, you self-righteous windbag!

At least when bosses taunt us we get the satisfaction (eventually) of killing them. I engaged in some speculation this weekend with a guildie or two about whether or not the taunts from the bleachers made progression nights more stressful. You know… I think they really do. It gets on your nerves after a while; I can’t decide if this is great design on Blizzard’s part or a really crappy idea.

One thing’s for sure: I’d love to be able to have a helpful DK Death Grip that mofo down and start a diplomatic incident. Alas, Jaina would probably just freeze us all and spirit him away again. Lucky for us, she’s not by his side 24×7. Weekly trips to Stormwind to blow off steam after Heroic ToC are starting to sound more and more appealing.

Just desserts.



  1. Mmm, seeing Varian dead on the ground there in that last screenie is REALLY SATISFYING. Weekly Stormwind trips sound like a great idea.

  2. Well, my “reluctant allies” in the Horde, you ought to hear the wonderful words of Garrosh when you’re playing the other side. Even Thrall can’t shut him up (foreshadowing anyone?).

    Besides, if there isn’t some ramp-up, how else would you explain the entire pseduo-truce falling apart in the next expansion? Look for more hateful and snarly comments (from both sides) in Icecrown.

    Can’t wait.


    • I never said I didn’t understand it from a lore perspective, just that I don’t really appreciate it or want to listen to it while I’m trying to concentrate. 😉

  3. Take him down with my blessing. Pompous ass. Thrall could teach Varian a thing or two about forgiving, and *moving the hell on*.

    • Yeah, and what is it with that ‘honor your King and your people’ crap? Last I heard, Wrynn was King of the humans, not King of the Alliance. Jackass.

  4. I know, I know .. “sure, we sacked your city and enslaved you for a few years, you need to grow up and JUST GET OVER IT, GEEZ!!”

    Or maybe not.

    That Hellscream jerk ain’t no prize, either, by the way. 🙂

    • Yeah, I’m sure Hellscream has some annoying dialogue too but on the whole I’m voting for Wrynn as the larger windbag.

    • Yeah. I mean, the Alliance never did anything like that to Thrall and the rest of the orcs.

      Oh, wait.

  5. I am a human and I think he is a tool. Frankly I spend more time in IronForge because I think the dwarves and gnomes are smarter about it. Wyrnn and Garrosh are both just a couple of windbags. I would love to smack that self righteous jerk in the face. But all my friends play alli, and BE paladins need to eat more sammiches.

  6. Nobody in the horde said they wanted to keep Garrosh. He’s like Col. Kadafi, if you want to deal with the Middle East you sometimes have to listen to a windbag that is somewhat crazy.

    For the record I am perfectly fine voting Garrosh out of the Horde (I like Thrall better).

    • /signed

  7. Reasons I love Seri: This is one of ’em.

  8. Honestly, Tirion needs to set both Varian and Garrosh in the corner and go at them with a roll of duct tape. I get to hear Garrosh a couple times a week, I can only imagine Varian is just as annoying. I’m about ready for all this hostility to come to a head.

  9. […] treated everyone to a very special rant about Varian Wrynn, based on experiences in Trial of the Crusader. No one seemed to get the title’s pop culture […]

  10. Sheez… Typical Horde fanboys/fangirls who don’t even bother reading the lore behind him :/

    And for the record, Varian had a worse time then jesus Thrall, who even was tought every bit of kindness by other humans! The luitenant, Talia etc. The interesting part is that Thrall had a lot of humans who showed kindness to him, and support. Varian had none of that…

    In fact, the Horde has begun to dislike him because they believed he was too “human”. Regardless of Blackmoore, it was humanity that evolved him to the Orc he is today.

    Not to menion that Thrall pretty much lets his Horde buttrape the Alliance on every turn :B Hillsbrad foothills and the forsaken? Ashenvale? Broken front? And don’t give me that “it was tactical” nonesence, had it been the way around you would have had “Alliance is evil” comments all over the place.

    So please, next time you want to bash a faction leader, make sure your own faction isn’t attacking them 24/7.

    Or if I would like to describe the current Horde mindset: “Raaaarh! All lands belong to us because we have muscles! Now let’s talk about peace while we kill your family, and rape your dog:” ^^; I know this isn’t the entire Horde’s mindset (love the Tauren) but not attacking the Alliance might convince them that the Horde actually HAS changed.

    Oh wait! Almost completely forgot about Garrosh… Well gues that’s the end of that experiment ^^;

    /end rant

    Sorry for the long pages of text 🙂 But I thought we were here to discuss our opinion about him 🙂

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