Seri sez: This ain’t your momma’s raid guild.April 30, 2009
As a guild officer, I wear a lot of hats. Friend, confidante, authority figure, taskmistress, disciplinarian, mentor, keeper of the spreadsheets… I am all of these things at some time or another, but there is one thing I am not nor will I ever be: Your mom.
That’s right, this ain’t your momma’s raid guild. Although I may nurture you and feed you shiny epics with the care and devotion of a red-breasted robin regurgitating worms for her young, there’s no baby seat in the sidecar of my Mecha-hog. If you want to ride this ride, there are a few simple rules (not dissimilar to your mom’s) that will stay my finger poised over the “eject” button. Violate them and, well, I hope you’re wearing a helmet.
Rule #1: Don’t lie to me.
Much like your mom, I have eyes in the back of my head and a built-in bullshit detector. Even if you slip it past me, I’ll eventually find out and you won’t like the consequences. I’m much more creative than she ever was, and I own power tools.
Rule #2: Wake your own ass up.
See that little box with the buttons and dials beside your bed? That’s an alarm clock. If you’re going to curl up with your binkey before a raid, you should probably set the alarm because I’m not going to give you a courtesy call ten minutes before raid start. Does this look like the Hilton?
Rule #3: It’s for your own good.
You may not agree with every decision I make, but I promise I’m not out to get you.
Rule #4: Don’t be an O-slut.
Don’t like my answer? Deal with it, or talk to my boss. Don’t go hopping from one officer to another until you get the answer you want.
Rule #5: Don’t get fresh with me, young (wo)man.
You may see yourself as the soul of wit but if you sass me enough I’ll eventually go looking for a switch… and it just may be that all I have lying around is this old Twig of the World Tree.
Rule #6: Do your homework.
Between raids, I make rosters, discuss strategies, recruit, read applications, interview applicants, manage the guild bank, write/amend policies, wrangle drama llamas, conduct performance reviews, farm my own consumables and program my grandmother’s DVR. I don’t think it’s too much to ask for you to read a *(#)*!@! boss fight write-up.
Rule #7: Knock it off or I’ll put you out right here.
Mid-raid is not a good time to distract me with things that aren’t of immediate importance. What’s more, it’s really not a good time to offer snarky/sarcastic criticism either publicly or privately about any member of the raid team. I’m not afraid to pull this raid over and leave you at the instance portal, so if you don’t have something constructive to say keep it to yourself until we reach our destination.
Rule #8: Eat your vegetables.
They’re good for you.