Seri sez: Pro LFG – The Art of Guild Seeking

I’ve spent a good chunk of time recently browsing the LFG forums. No, I’m not looking for a new guild but rather for folks who might be a good match for my guild. Hey, it’s what I do. Anyway, this activity only serves to remind me that I left something crucial out of my How to Apply to a Raid Guild post: Your first impression isn’t always your application.

That’s right, folks, I’m talking about the “looking for guild” post.

I know what you’re thinking: How can you possibly fail at a “looking for guild” post? Here are a few suggestions:

1. Provide as little information about yourself as possible.

Mystery breeds intrigue, so be as vague as possible when crafting your post. Post on a lowbie alt, preferably from a different server from your normal for extra obfuscation. In fact, don’t even advertise your class… use general terms like “healer” or “tank.”

2. Dumb down your verbiage.

Big words can be scary, and you don’t want to intimidate any recruiters with your expansive vocabulary. No one wants a new guy around that’s smarter than they are. Just to be safe, use as few capital letters and punctuation as possible.

3. Contradict yourself.

It’s easier to find a guild if you’re flexible and have strict stop and start times for raid nights.

4. Demonstrate your sense of humor. lol.

Text is such a difficult medium for expression. You don’t want to seem like a stick in the mud, so be sure to throw in a few “lols” so recruiters know you are easy-going and have a good sense of humor. lol.

…I think you get the idea. I don’t really know what these people are thinking; it’s an epidemic. WoW Lemmings even has an “idiot filter” to weed out the Rouges, Droods and uber-133t.

Sometimes I’m tempted to reply just to let them know why I’m not going to invite them to apply to my guild, but that seems just a little bit bitchy. (And, let’s face it, it isn’t very good PR.)

Now, don’t get me wrong. I totally understand that sometimes folks have perfectly valid reasons for posting on an alt. Ok, fine, but give us something to work with! If you won’t post an armory link, post your relevant stats or a link to an anonymous gear profile. If that’s too much effort, don’t assume our invitation to apply is an invitation to transfer/raid because smart raid guilds don’t invite people sight unseen. (Unless you’re a Resto Shaman, I hear that’s a whole other ball game.)

We don’t need your life story or your reasons for guild seeking. Just tell us who you are, where you’re at, where you’re going and when you’re available. That’s really all we need to know up front, and the less time we have to spend scanning your post to find this information the better off you’ll be. In fact, I invite you all to use the following template for your next LFG post:

————————————————————-

Character name/server (optional):
Class/Spec:
Armory or Profile Link:
Available to transfer? (Y/N):
Current level of progression:
Desired level of progression:
Time zone:
Desired raid days/times:

LFG Template by Seri @ World of Snarkcraft™
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Ok, ok, World of Snarkcraft advertisement optional.

Seri snarks: Spec Wrecks

I’ve never considered myself to be a speccist (defined as someone who believes in one true way to spec for a given class/role) but maybe I’m starting to get a bit pickier as I age. These days I find myself getting more and more snarky when I encounter questionable spec choices. Today, I’m going to share with you some of the specs I love… to hate.

Warning: Not for the faint of heart! Read at your own risk, particularly if you have a weak stomach.

Wreck #1: The Weekend Warrior - 19/42/0

Can’t decide if you prefer to raid or PVP? Spec for both! Eschew pesky things like Inspiration and Imp. Fortitude… surely some other priest will pick up the slack.

Wreck #2: Tri-Specced to Useless - 21/20/19

I think it was Jov that first coined the phrase ‘Tri-Specced to Useless’ unless she stole it from someone else and passed it off as her own witticism (really, I wouldn’t put it past her). Although it was originally coined with Druids in mind (and you KNOW the sort of druids I’m talking about), it applies equally well here. Congratulations, you have chosen a spec that might allow you to solo dailies without being remotely viable for anything else.

Wreck #3: I Am Holy, Lawl: 0/61/0

It’s been a long time since I saw this beauty… thankfully. I can only imagine that this is dreamed up by the same sort of brainiac that puts 61 points in Protection to be a tank. Although 61 points in Resto makes for an awesome (if helpless) Druid, the same cannot be said for Priests. Walking around with this spec is like having a bright pink blinking neon sign reading ‘Dumbass’ over your head. I’m convinced that’s what my tooltip should tell me when I mouseover someone with this spec, rather than something so innocuous as “Holy.”

…hey, that’s not a bad idea. WTB add-on coder!

Interview: Jov on Gems

Today we feature a special treat: An exclusive interview with World of Snarkcraft’s own illustrious Jov.

Guest Interviewer: Wow, thanks so much for taking the time to sit down with me. I’ve been following World of Snarkcraft since day one and I’m really excited to have this opportunity. Let’s get to it, shall we?

G: So, let’s say I just got a new pair of healing pants with blue sockets. What gems should I put in them?
Jov: Well, that kinda depends. I like Sparkling spirit gems in blue sockets, but if you need a boost to healing, the purple Purified heal/spirit are also good.

G: What about Mp5? Those Lustrous gems sure are… lustrous.
Jov: Lustrous… do you even know what that means? It means “without sparkle.” (It does, trust me, look it up) If Sparkling is good, why would a gem without sparkle be good? Besides, why would you want no sparkle? Purified, on the other hand, means pure and free from undesirable elements. MUCH better.

G: Fair enough. What about Royal gems? Healing + Mp5?
Jov: You know what happens with Royalty, right? So much crap in the middle ages happened because of inbreeding between royals. Going crazy, genetic diseases… Seriously. Besides, these are US servers. We don’t have a King or Queen. And we like it that way.

G: I see what you did there. Clever. What about green gems? I picked up this Dazzling beauty in the Caverns of Time the other day. Intellect + Mp5?
Jov: Alas, green gems are on the whole worthless. Period. It really all comes down to the fact that you really want gems to boost your healing. Spirit does, if you’re specced correctly, so does straight Heal. Green gems have neither of those things.

G: You’re blowing my mind here. If I can’t use green gems, and Lustrous/Royal gems are out… surely you don’t want me to socket Defense or Attack Power for Mp5?
Jov: Of course! But only on your tanking and melee sets. Healing sets need healing gems.. See how that works? The MP5 stat should always be a spirit based gem.

G: Do you have tanking and/or melee sets?
Jov: I can neither confirm nor deny that I have or have had or will have in the future tanking or melee sets. Next question.

G: Uh, right. Okay. So, let’s get back to this Mp5 thing. What do you mean by, “The Mp5 stat should always be a spirit based gem.”
Jov: I mean “the MP5 stat should always be a spirit-based gem.” Spirit is a priest’s MP5. Take a look at our talent trees. The average healing-specced priest will always have a few key talents: Meditation, Spirit of Redemption, Spiritual Guidance, and at least starting out Improved Divine Spirit. What do all those talents have in common?

G: Swanky Icons?
Jov: No! Spirit! Meditation gives us 30% of our out-of-combat mana regen in-combat. Improved Divine Spirit boosts our Spirit by 50 and gives 10% of our Spirit back as spell damage/healing. Spirit of Redemption gives us an extra 5% Spirit. And Spiritual Guidance gives us 25% of our spirit as free healing. See how all those things work together?

G: I think so. But have you given any consideration at all to how stacking all that Spirit affects your regen?

Jov: …

G: Oh! I get it! Haha…

Jov: …
…

G: Ok, enough about gems. Let’s talk about Seri… what’s it like to raid with her?
Jov: Eh, it’s okay I guess. I mean, I’ve been doing it for three years now, so it’s not like anything new or special or anything.

G: … Heehee, you’re a funny lady Miss Jov!
Jov: Why thank you.

G: But don’t you think she’s a good class lead? Maybe deserves more respect than she’s getting in priest chat?
Jov: Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’m all for her doing the hard work. But she doesn’t pay me enough for respect in priest chat. Wait a sec… How do you know what goes on in priest chat?

G: Uh… research, you know. Every good reporter does research.
Jov: Really. And what other research have you been doing?

G: Aren’t I supposed to be the one asking the questions?
Jov: You’re not really a reporter, are you? You’re Seri, in a twill vest and brewfest hat!

G: I can neither confirm nor deny that I am or have been or will be in the future…

Jov snarks: Priestadins — UR DOIN IT WRONG

Croikey!  We’re ‘ere in the jungles of WWS explorin’ tha ‘abitat of tha endangad Greatah Heal…  Up a’ead, I think I spot a ‘erd…

Aww… Inn’t that a beaut’?

Even 5 or 6 months ago, this ‘erd would be ten times this soize.  You can see there on tha roight that there’s still a bit ‘oldin’ out.  Tha probl’m, o’course, is tha approach of the aggressive Flash Heal.

Evah since tha population of tanks stahted to rise, priests stahted to use Flash Heal to keep ‘em goin’ cos Flash Heal is faaaaast.  Unfortunately, it also eats TONS of mana!  An’ it’s drivin’ tha poor Greatah to extinction.

It’s a nevah-endin’ cycle cos tanks need a lot a healin’.  Greatah is just the best at tha job.  Flash is fast, but it’s also smaaall.  It’s a great emergency heal, or fer toppin’ off DPS when raid healin’, but when ya ‘ave a tank, Greatah will fill ‘em up bettah an’ keep you goin’ longah.

Realleh, tha only Flash a tank needs is tha Flash from tha Pallerdins.  It’s fast too, but doesn’t eat so much an’ can go all day!  If yer gonna heal a tank, stick to Greatah.  Save this won’erful endangad species.

Update! Developahs are curren’ly workin’ on three-oh-two, which should make Flash cost less with glyphs, and be much more voiable.  This species is evolvin’ before our verreh eyes!  So excoitin!  Until then, howevah, remembah tha Greatah.  Greatah for greatah tanks.

Seri snarks: What’s a robe like you doing with a gem like this?

They say a picture is worth a thousand words…

I’ll give you a moment.

…

All set? Ok, moving on!

What we have here, ladies and gentlemen, is a failure to accessorize. I mean, who wears gems that color with that robe? Ok, I know… sometimes function supersedes fashion, but this is fail on even that level. Why, why, why would you put Spell Penetration gems in Healing gear?

I mean, I’m just as concerned as anyone about the level of Holy Resistance tanks are stacking these days, and plate can be tricky to heal through. I’ve been trying to convince our MT to go with something more organic; I mean not only will it just soak up Healing but it’ll breathe a lot better and provide some much-needed ventilation (if you know what I mean).

Sarcasm aside, folks, Spell Penetration is for PVP. Even then, it could be argued to be useless for PVP Priests of the non-Shadow variety because there is no such thing as Holy Resistance. 

Putting Spell Penetration gems in Healing gear just shows that you are a noob–which is convenient, I suppose, because it means I don’t have to put effort into getting to know you only to discover it later.