Seri sez: Dancing with wolves (or perhaps rabid badgers).

There’s something about the Looking For Dungeon Tool that makes me feel like I’m getting back to my roots. It’s kind of like going back in time to roam the prairie with my wild ancestors–complete with mountains of buffalo dung. It’s ancient. Primal. This is healing as I haven’t seen it in many many moons. I’m telling you, it has been a VERY long time since so many things have been “my fault”.

Yes, that’s right: My fault. Because, somehow, every failure on the part of a random instance group is the healer’s fault. The tank dies… healer’s fault. The DPS die… healer’s fault. A tree falls in China… healer’s fault. Don’t get me wrong; there are shitty healers out there. Gods bless them, they provide countless hours of entertainment for me and Jov. But there are a lot of things that can go wrong in a pug that are NOT the healers fault. Perhaps:

• A shitty tank.
• An undergeared tank.
• An undergeared shitty tank.
• Overzealous dps.
• People standing in shit.
• Pulling when the healer is drinking or low on mana.
• Pulling when the healer is afk.

Let me give you a tip: If you’re struggling through an instance and you’ve been through more than one healer… you’re not just having a string of bad luck. Someone in your party is a moron. Maybe several someones. Maybe… maybe it’s you.

Haha! Yeah, not likely. You’re reading World of Snarkcraft, which puts you ahead of most of the slack-jawed mutants in LFG. Therefore, my enlightened brethren, remain alert for signs of healer abuse and vigilant in the preservation of healers’ sanity. After all, it’s only a matter of time before they burn out and roll a pure dps class. Make it your goal to stave off the inevitable while you can.

Seri sez: Pro LFG – The Art of Guild Seeking

I’ve spent a good chunk of time recently browsing the LFG forums. No, I’m not looking for a new guild but rather for folks who might be a good match for my guild. Hey, it’s what I do. Anyway, this activity only serves to remind me that I left something crucial out of my How to Apply to a Raid Guild post: Your first impression isn’t always your application.

That’s right, folks, I’m talking about the “looking for guild” post.

I know what you’re thinking: How can you possibly fail at a “looking for guild” post? Here are a few suggestions:

1. Provide as little information about yourself as possible.

Mystery breeds intrigue, so be as vague as possible when crafting your post. Post on a lowbie alt, preferably from a different server from your normal for extra obfuscation. In fact, don’t even advertise your class… use general terms like “healer” or “tank.”

2. Dumb down your verbiage.

Big words can be scary, and you don’t want to intimidate any recruiters with your expansive vocabulary. No one wants a new guy around that’s smarter than they are. Just to be safe, use as few capital letters and punctuation as possible.

3. Contradict yourself.

It’s easier to find a guild if you’re flexible and have strict stop and start times for raid nights.

4. Demonstrate your sense of humor. lol.

Text is such a difficult medium for expression. You don’t want to seem like a stick in the mud, so be sure to throw in a few “lols” so recruiters know you are easy-going and have a good sense of humor. lol.

…I think you get the idea. I don’t really know what these people are thinking; it’s an epidemic. WoW Lemmings even has an “idiot filter” to weed out the Rouges, Droods and uber-133t.

Sometimes I’m tempted to reply just to let them know why I’m not going to invite them to apply to my guild, but that seems just a little bit bitchy. (And, let’s face it, it isn’t very good PR.)

Now, don’t get me wrong. I totally understand that sometimes folks have perfectly valid reasons for posting on an alt. Ok, fine, but give us something to work with! If you won’t post an armory link, post your relevant stats or a link to an anonymous gear profile. If that’s too much effort, don’t assume our invitation to apply is an invitation to transfer/raid because smart raid guilds don’t invite people sight unseen. (Unless you’re a Resto Shaman, I hear that’s a whole other ball game.)

We don’t need your life story or your reasons for guild seeking. Just tell us who you are, where you’re at, where you’re going and when you’re available. That’s really all we need to know up front, and the less time we have to spend scanning your post to find this information the better off you’ll be. In fact, I invite you all to use the following template for your next LFG post:

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Character name/server (optional):
Class/Spec:
Armory or Profile Link:
Available to transfer? (Y/N):
Current level of progression:
Desired level of progression:
Time zone:
Desired raid days/times:

LFG Template by Seri @ World of Snarkcraft™
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Ok, ok, World of Snarkcraft advertisement optional.