h1

Seri sez: Just say no.

October 1, 2009

...to keep Priests off pugs.If you rolled a healer, chances are you’re not a jerk. I mean, sure, jerks come in all shapes and sizes but healers, by the very nature of their role, are helpful. Nurturing, even. Our magic is healing magic; we lift our parties up. We are the wind beneath their wings, etc. Make no mistake… we’re in demand, especially when we’re good. Every day friends, guildies and strangers make grabby hands at us, their plaintive bleating stirring us time and time again to rise to the occasion. Maybe it’s the daily heroic, and they just need 3 more badges for a crucial upgrade. Maybe they’re stuck in the pug from hell and they just want to finish and get the heck out. Maybe they’re trying desperately to put together a 10-man and all they need is one more healer to make it happen. The simple truth is that you can’t help everyone all the time or you’ll drive yourself crazy; sometimes you just have to say no.

Say it with me now: No.

I can’t hear you…

Hmm, that’s better. Now that you’ve got the proper terminology, let’s talk about when/how to use it.

1. If you feel like someone is trying to guilt you into doing what they want, say no.

Guilt is a powerful weapon. You may feel obligated to help a guildie just because they ask, or even feel guilty without prompting if it seems like if you don’t go they won’t get to go. It’s important to be able to recognize when you’re feeling guilty on your own and when someone is trying to make you feel guilty. If they’re trying to sway you into coming along with guilt, call them on it.

2. If you feel like running <insert raid here> 10-man on top of the 25-man version (or vice versa) week after week will burn you out on the instance, say no.

Your priority should be whatever your progression runs are. Keep yourself as fresh as you can for these runs, even if it means cutting back on re-running the content in between raids. This becomes more and more important now that there are so many versions of a single raid instance. When content is new, running 10-man, 10-man heroic, 25-man and 25-man heroic might seem exciting but it will get old quickly. If you are starting to feel like you’re tired of the content (or are concerned you might start to feel that way), you need to take a step back and set boundaries before you find yourself dreading raid nights.

3. If you frequently help the person out but they’re never willing to reciprocate, say no.

I think everyone knows a person like this. Whether they do it consciously or not, if you feel like you’re constantly helping someone that never can be counted on to help you it’s up to you to break the cycle. Talk to them about it, or just stop offering/agreeing to help.

4. If you are sick, say no.

…unless, of course, you are online looking for things to do to distract you from sickness. My point here is that if you are sick and do not feel up to doing something, don’t do it anyway. Offer to do it another time.

5. If you were about to log for the night, say no (especially if you have work/school in the morning).

RL comes first, dingleberry. Your friends should understand that.

If a simple “no” won’t suffice, please refer to this handy list of pre-generated excuses:

  • I have to wash my cat.
  • I’m already saved.
  • Wow, that sounds like fun I’ll meet yo@&_!*@~~!^^NO CARRIER (I think I’m showing my age here.)
  • I’m allergic.
  • I totally would, if not for this rash.
  • I think I hear my parent/child/spouse calling…
  • It burns when I PvP.
  • I’m still in therapy from our last misadventure.

Have something to add to either list? Comment freely.

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29 comments

  1. #5 is my bane. But I’ve been much happier (or at least got more sleep) since I started saying no to people when I knew I wanted to crash.

    Really good advice here, I wish more healers would stop acting like doormats.


  2. I’m sure loads of healers are lovely people (the ones I know personally are all great) but on my server there’s a trend on my server for people to roll healers because they’re the role mostly in demand… which leads to a lot of idiot / diva healers who feel that they can place demands on the PuG. They can do this because know you won’t kick them because finding a healer is so difficult… it’s a bit of a vicious cycle.


  3. “Sorry promised (guild person who also doesn’t want to run with this person) I’d wait for them”

    “sure, need to go afk though, so if you find another healer, go with them!” (of course i’m afk long enough to get logged out)


  4. “Sorry, g2g, mom’s on fire.” *log to unknown alt*


  5. Heh, I just say NO louder and louder until they get the message or the rest of the guild starts chiming in. Sometimes there might be profanity, but no promises.

    The WORST ones are the passive-aggressive dweebs that look and see there is only ONE healer on, then posts in guild chat “anyone wanna heal Heroic Halls of Stupid?” or something. I guess because it’s less crushing to assume that I can’t read rather than get a direct NO to a direct question. I’ve started responding with “anyone wanna hear me say NO?”

    Maybe that’s one for BBBB’s list.


  6. I can claim Boyfriend Aggro and usually get away with it, because the entire guild fears the wrath of the Cranky Tank.

    Othewise, a healer with a tank alt never gets any peace. :P


  7. looooool NO CARRIER

    Them was the days.


  8. @ Ambro: Right now I actually am the guild’s heal lead and tank. Fortunately for me we have a very small guild. The funny thing is I schedule whole blocks of hours on days when I am free to do multiple runs with people, and they don’t sign up. That gets annoying.
    I offer to take you on a whirlwind journey from UK to AN, and beyond, in one day you would get a ton of badges, and you can’t be bothered to sign up. The only thing I need badges for is leveling gear for my druid, and shaman alt, who need 2 sets. Plus I am saving up the gear now for my gnomish priest.
    But yeah once I have 2 healer/tanks no rest for the in demand.


  9. Learning to say no was the best lesson I ever learned.

    And it’s odd – I get paid to tell people all day they don’t have grant funds to pay for XY and Z….but when I healed, there was nothing like a “we need you to heal X” that would cause me to lose all sense and go “OH OK, who needs sleep/food/washing the cat/etc.”


  10. Nice entry. I so agree it can be hard to say no to guild mates and friends.

    It burns when I PvP. lol made me die…well not literally.


  11. […] Snarky Duo over at World of Snarkcraft instructs healers in the Art of Saying No.  It’s good reading – especially for me.  ‘Cause I’m known to be […]


  12. I raided last night while sick….and it was only half guilt. Completely self inflicted guilt. No one was trying to force me to play I just convince myself that if I do not others will not be able to raid. However…I did also want to be there and had spent entirely too much time in bed already!

    All that said I’m still not good at saying no. The part that bother’s me most is i say yes to my ex-guild. I like them, well most of them, but their loot rules tend to screw me over. They ask me to come help on a raid and I of course say yes and waste hours of my time helping another guild progress with almost zero chance of getting anything out of it. I really am stupid!

    This is day 3 of being sick….sure hope this goes away soon :(


  13. “The WORST ones are the passive-aggressive dweebs that look and see there is only ONE healer on, then posts in guild chat “anyone wanna heal Heroic Halls of Stupid?” or something. I guess because it’s less crushing to assume that I can’t read rather than get a direct NO to a direct question. I’ve started responding with “anyone wanna hear me say NO?””

    I do this, but not to be passive aggressive. I don’t always scan over the guild list to see who is on, and I feel like a non-specific request in /guild is more easy for somebody to ignore if they don’t want to do it than a direct query. I tank (and there are similar issues with people needing tanks) and I know I’d prefer somebody just make a general inquiry in the guild channel than ask me directly. Apparently that makes me look like a jerk to some people. Oh well, you can’t please everybody I guess.


    • On my Mage I also make general requests, for two reasons.
      1) People can ignore me if they so desire, and
      2) If someone wants to change to an alt – at least they got a heads up.

      From the other side, I try to always respond to general requests.. nothing worse than shouting into the void and people appreciate it when I at least reply no… even if it’s “No I couldn’t be stuffed”


      • @Argon, @Gomeaggedon – To both of you, though, I ask if you wait five minutes, then make some huffy comment about it? I neglected to state that specifically, but that’s what happens. If someone were to just ask and leave it at that, I wouldn’t mind nearly as much and could work around my annoyance at the other thing.


      • @Grimmtooth: Naah, I wouldn’t be getting snappy. If I was really fussed and “assumed” someone was ignoring me, I would pull my head in an whisper… I miss most of what happens in chat, why wouldn’t anyone else…

        But I figure I am playing “my” game, and everyone else is playing theirs… if we meet in the middle then that’s awesome


  14. @Argon – It’s not hard to look first, all I’m saying. Maybe Fubar-GuildFu has spoilt me.


    • I *love* GuildFu. I’m so lost without it when it breaks on patch days.


      • So it’s not just me, then. I’m 2/3 relieved and 1/3 horrified.


  15. OK, I can say this, and only came close to using it once:
    Have the cell phone call the house phone while open mic on vent. Be sure to leave the mic open while saying “OMG, what hospital?”
    /log to unknown alt, good book, or a stiff drink.

    Sick and twisted, yes – but only good once.


    • @rustbeard – Actually we have someone in guild that does something like that on a regular basis to escape frustrating runs (pug or not). We’ve started making up stories of our own just to irritate him.

      “Sorry to hear about your mom, Chuck. That’s gotta be rough after the fifth time.”


      • Getting out of that multi-wipe fight – good.

        Having your guildies out you on the same person dying twice – priceless.


  16. Interesting. Considering how many people complain about M&S and rude/immature idiots & trolling flamers in WoW, here’s a spate of people who are “too nice” to say no.

    Learning to say no directly and without lame excuses/lies AND nicely is an extremely important social skill to develop. People will respect you more if you have clear & consistent boundaries.


    • For sure. The lame excuses provided are purely for comic relief. :)


  17. This is an EXCELLENT post and should be copied everywhere. Omg. So much drama and sad would be stillborn if only people would learn to (politely) say no when they don’t want to run something.

    P.s. I miss wow and playing with you guys! Waaah!


    • I miss you too, come back!!! <3


  18. Oh my, No Carrier. Hah. I remember the days of playing Asheron’s Call on dialup. NO DON’T PICK UP TH– Phone. *sigh*

    Too bad it didn’t really broadcast the NO CARRIER message into game. Would make using that one a lot easier. Although I suspect 9/10 people would no longer get the reference. :P


  19. My favorite excuse “Sorry I’m shadow speced.”


  20. I’m a tank, and you could substitute the word “tank” for “healer” in every single sentence and it would be exactly the same. (or almost. Not so much with the nurturing, more with the protecting from harm, but still…)

    It’s *still* hard for me to say “no” but I’ve learned that for my own sanity I just have to, or I’ll end up pissed off, frustrated, and feeling like I can’t do anything for myself. I’ve hit that wall and it makes things no fun at all.



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