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Seri sez: This ain’t your momma’s raid guild.

April 30, 2009

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As a guild officer, I wear a lot of hats. Friend, confidante, authority figure, taskmistress, disciplinarian, mentor, keeper of the spreadsheets… I am all of these things at some time or another, but there is one thing I am not nor will I ever be: Your mom.

That’s right, this ain’t your momma’s raid guild. Although I may nurture you and feed you shiny epics with the care and devotion of a red-breasted robin regurgitating worms for her young, there’s no baby seat in the sidecar of my Mecha-hog. If you want to ride this ride, there are a few simple rules (not dissimilar to your mom’s) that will stay my finger poised over the “eject” button. Violate them and, well, I hope you’re wearing a helmet.

Rule #1: Don’t lie to me.

Much like your mom, I have eyes in the back of my head and a built-in bullshit detector. Even if you slip it past me, I’ll eventually find out and you won’t like the consequences. I’m much more creative than she ever was, and I own power tools.

Rule #2: Wake your own ass up.

See that little box with the buttons and dials beside your bed? That’s an alarm clock. If you’re going to curl up with your binkey before a raid, you should probably set the alarm because I’m not going to give you a courtesy call ten minutes before raid start. Does this look like the Hilton?

Rule #3: It’s for your own good.

You may not agree with every decision I make, but I promise I’m not out to get you.

Rule #4: Don’t be an O-slut.

Don’t like my answer? Deal with it, or talk to my boss. Don’t go hopping from one officer to another until you get the answer you want.

Rule #5: Don’t get fresh with me, young (wo)man.

You may see yourself as the soul of wit but if you sass me enough I’ll eventually go looking for a switch… and it just may be that all I have lying around is this old Twig of the World Tree.

Rule #6: Do your homework.

Between raids, I make rosters, discuss strategies, recruit, read applications, interview applicants, manage the guild bank, write/amend policies, wrangle drama llamas, conduct performance reviews, farm my own consumables and program my grandmother’s DVR. I don’t think it’s too much to ask for you to read a *(#)*!@! boss fight write-up.

Rule #7: Knock it off or I’ll put you out right here.

They're good for you!

Mid-raid is not a good time to distract me with things that aren’t of immediate importance. What’s more, it’s really not a good time to offer snarky/sarcastic criticism either publicly or privately about any member of the raid team. I’m not afraid to pull this raid over and leave you at the instance portal, so if you don’t have something constructive to say keep it to yourself until we reach our destination.

Rule #8: Eat your vegetables.

They’re good for you.

18 comments

  1. I don’t wanna eat my vegetables and you can’t make me


  2. @ Zaltu – As an officer and Rogue lead I can, in fact, make you. ;)


  3. Homework huh… Ye, some people don’t really realise how lucky they are with “only” being a member. You read tactics, make sure you’re prepared and the day is over. In my post “WTB time” I kinda showed/QQ’ed how much work officers really have.


  4. Now I want to see a sign at the next raid boss: “Your mother doesn’t raid here. Loot, skin, herbalize, and mine your own corpses.”


  5. @ Nim – OMG I was totally trying to figure out how to work in a ‘Clean up after yourself rule’. I should go back and add that, reminding people to loot their own damn vendor trash so the Master Looter doesn’t go into conniptions.


  6. When life gives you vegetables, make ni├žoise dressing.


  7. @ Rule 4: YES seriously, I hate the “You said no, but blah blah said yes.” I don’t care if you convinced the hunter officer (dur dur) that you wanted to spec into blessed resilience so you will arguably live longer…when we all know your shooting for a hidden rating of 1650 and can’t afford the respec costs or dual spec.


  8. Haha! Seriously, I can sympathize with each and every one of these rules. After a frustrating raid night where people seemed to break all of these, I needed that laugh. Thanks!


  9. Vegetables is for rabbits!


  10. @ Yuki – I dunno what’s going on in your raids, but there were rabbits all over the place in ours last night.


  11. It was bunn-dimonium.


  12. *giggles* I love it! So true.. so true.

    And, please. The ML does have conniptions when people don’t loot their own shit. Its.. its driving me crazy. All the shinnies… the shinnies.. *rocks quietly in a corner*

    *coughs* anyhow. Love it. :D


  13. […] World of Snarkcraft: This Ain’t Your Mommas Raid Guild–how not to piss off your guild […]


  14. This post is everything I’ve ever wanted to say. I love you for it.


  15. I’m allergic to greens :(


  16. There should be a rule for repairing and bringing consumables!


  17. O.o I forgot to comment and tell you how funny I found this! I love these snark posts. :)


  18. I think I have a girl crush…. Love the whole blog :)



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